Last week my mom called to tell me that the pains my Dad had been having for a while in his leg had something to do with a blocked artery. After many tests and scans they decided to put a stent in one of them to help the blood flow again. However, when my father got to the hospital to have the procedure done, and the doctors reevaluated things, it was decided that surgery was in order. Quadruple bypass surgery, actually.
My mother told me this over the phone in my van (on bluetooth) after I had just picked my kids up from school for early dismissal. I kept it together until I hung up and then I sobbed in front of my children in the Izzo’s burrito restaurant parking lot. While parked.
I didn’t mean to make them sad but this was MY Daddy we were talking about. THE man who has been one major constant source of love and support and wonderful-ness in my life. In so many lives.
I figured I would just wait to hear how things went after the surgery the next morning but Tim urged me to go to be with him and my family, so I did. And I drove the fastest I ever have from here to there.
On my way it poured rain for about an hour. I could barely see the highway at one point and there were so many big trucks. I was scared for a few minutes. But I prayed. I prayed for God to protect me on my way. And for him to be with my father.
As I approached the big city of Houston, the skies cleared and a beautiful sunset unraveled before me, like a gift of hope and healing. It was if I could see right before me the beauty after the storm.
And so I knew, it’s going to be stormy for a little while for my Dad. But after, there will be beauty, and in his case, less pain and more health.
Many people have told me that someone they love has been through this same thing and that they are doing great years later. The doctors said my father’s heart itself is quite strong. That comes as no surprise to me. He is a strong person in many ways.
The thought of losing my father is terrible for me. He was surprised to see I had driven in for his surgery. But he squeezed my hand tightly when he saw me and we told each other that we love each other several times. I know he cannot live forever but I want him here for as long as possible because he is part of me. He is part of my own heart and mine is also strong partly because of him. I couldn’t hug him like I usually do when I was leaving to come back home, but I still kissed his side-burned face and told him how strong I know he is.
When I returned home I hugged Tim very tight and cried into his shoulder because it was all just A LOT. To be there before my Dad went in for surgery. To see him after, with a tube down his throat. To listen to them tell us he was asking for my mother as he woke up later on…. and to think of the years she has been by his side.
I also hugged my children, thinking of the love I have for them and they in turn have for me. I made two long road trips and anything could have happened while I was gone. I don’t want them to ever have doubts about my strong heart for them. They know how much my own father means to me and he means a lot to them as well. But still, being away from all of my own little family while also trying to be there for my parents and brothers was hard. This is when living in another city and state is not the best.
Days later, my Dad is doing well and should go home in the next day or so. He will have a bit of a recovery and it will be hard only because he is not used to taking it easy. But I can already see him fishing and traveling and putzing around in his garage again soon.
In the meantime, I plan not to take any of my moments with him for granted.
My Dad and me on his birthday, New Year’s Day 2011
